In a world where the rich and fashionable jostle for the chance to flaunt their luxury, the Birkin bag stands as the ultimate trophy. For decades, this emblem of luxury has been the arm candy of the elite, a symbol of status that transcends mere fashion. Yet, beneath its leather-clad surface, a saga unfolds—a tale so absurd, it might just be the next big hit on the satire circuit.
Enter the scene: two brave souls from California embark on a quest, not for the Holy Grail but for something far more elusive: the chance to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a handbag. Yes, you heard it right. In a bold move against the titan of luxury, Hermès, these intrepid plaintiffs have launched a lawsuit accusing the brand of a heinous crime: forcing customers to buy more of their outrageously priced products as a prerequisite to purchasing a Birkin.
Imagine the horror of discovering that to get a $10,000 handbag, you first need to splurge on a plethora of other Hermès items. Shoes, belts, scarves—you name it, you need to buy it, all in the hopes of earning the privilege to spend even more money. It’s as if Hermès has turned luxury shopping into a high-stakes game of Monopoly, where passing ‘Go’ means dropping another few thousand dollars.
The plaintiffs, Tina Cavalleri and Mark Glinoga recount tales of woe and extravagance, painting a picture of a world where sales associates wield power to bestow Birkins upon those deemed worthy. And by worthy, they mean those who have sufficiently padded the brand’s coffers. Tina laments spending a fortune, only to be told that Birkins are reserved for clients who have been “consistent in supporting our business.” Mark, on his noble quest for the elusive bag, discovers that he must first enrich the brand through other purchases, a cycle of spend and spend more, all for the chance to… spend more.
In a delicious twist of irony, the lawsuit reveals that sales associates, the gatekeepers to the kingdom of Hermès, don’t even earn commission on Birkin sales. These coveted bags, it seems, sell themselves, leaving the staff to earn their keep from the smaller, yet still exorbitantly priced, items that customers must first buy to prove their loyalty and financial prowess.
This lawsuit has peeled back the curtain on the absurd theatre of luxury fashion, where the rich are played in a game of exclusivity and indulgence. It’s a world where dropping $20,000 on a watch might earn you the right to spend another small fortune on a handbag. A world where socialites and celebrities flaunt their collections of Birkins like medals of honor, tokens of their ability to navigate the absurd prerequisites set by HERMÈS.
So, to the would-be Birkin buyers out there, take heed. The path to luxury is paved with expensive accessories, a test of financial endurance and brand loyalty. But fear not; alternative markets await even if HERMÈS won’t sell you a Birkin.
As this satirical saga unfolds, one can’t help but marvel at its absurdity. A lawsuit over the right to spend excessive money on a handbag might be the epitome of first-world problems. Yet, it’s a stark reminder of the lengths people will go for a taste of luxury and the lengths brands will go to maintain the exclusivity that fuels their allure. Ultimately, the real winners are those who can look on, chuckle, and appreciate the ridiculousness of the luxury industrial complex circus.
From SAINT LAURENT to GUCCI, CHANEL to DIOR, these are the designs that will never go out of style.
When it comes to wardrobe investments, there is nothing quite like a great designer handbag. Choose the right one and look after it correctly, and it will be a wardrobe mainstay for the rest of your life. It may even be an item that you pass down through the generations, or something you eventually sell and may even make money on.
With that being said, if you are thinking of splurging on a new designer bag, then it is definitely worth considering a style that will stand the test of time, rather than just a one-season wonder that will eventually end up gathering dust at the back of your wardrobe. For this, the best option is either to look to the classics – some of which may have had a modern makeover, but are still very much trend-free – or to snap up designs that have an endless elegance about them (think timeless colours, seasonless silhouettes and trusty fabrics).
So here, we round up 35 of the best designer handbags which are unlikely to date anytime soon, and will certainly never feel like a regretful purchase.
Many may be names you are already familiar with; forever staples from Chanel, Gucci and Dior, but you will also find new styles from heritage brands, alongside new names to know in the world of designer handbags, in this round-up. These are the accessories that are actually worth investing in, whether you are treating yourself or looking for a very special gift, in the market for an evening bag or are after a tote that’s perfect for the office. These are designer names you can trust.
PRADA Cleo Shoulder Bag takes influence from archival Prada pieces. With its sleek and streamlined appearance, it is not hard to see why it has been such a huge hit with fashion editors and influencers worldwide.
GIVENCHY
GIVENCHY Small Antigona Bag. One of the most exquisitely crafted handbags you will ever find, the attention to detail is unparalleled. Its sleek style effortlessly showcases the undeniable mark of a top-tier handbag.
LOUIS VUITTON
LOUIS VUITTON ‘Alma’ BB 2Way Bag. The style has existed in various forms for more than 120 years and only seems to improve with age.
It’s not difficult to see why DIOR’s Saddle bag remains so popular: the style – which first appeared on the catwalk in 1999, became an it-bag in the Noughties, and has been a staple ever since – is the perfect way to elevate any day or night ensemble.
GUCCI
GUCCI’s Horsebit bag was first released in 1955, and is today one of the house’s most popular styles. This version comes with both a classic leather and a colourful canvas strap, giving you even more versatility.
LOEWE
LOEWE Mini Puzzle Bag comes in a huge variety of colours and sizes. This particular mini version has been expertly crafted using contrasting calfskins which would be a lovely addition to any woman’s wardrobe.
HERMÈS
Now here is a bag that needs no introduction; the HERMÈS Birkin, one of the most famous handbags of all time and one that is usually very difficult to get your hands on.
CELINE
CELINE is a firm favourite for chic accessories, crafted from the most luxurious materials. This CELINE Chain Shoulder Bag Triomphe In Shiny Calfskin is particularly special – a signature style, which is available in number of classic colours.
BALENCIAGA
BALENCIAGA Crush Small Chain Bag style is a new iteration from the house, one which is inspired by the silhouette of its cult City bag. It would make a very chic addition to both your day-to-day and your evening wardrobe.
BOTTEGA VENETA
Another beautiful design from Daniel Lee’s era at Bottega, this Cassette bag has become a real favourite with fashion editors. BOTTEGA VENETA Small Brick Cassette: chic sophistication for carrying essentials.
CHLOÉ
CHLOÉ’s Mini Leather Woody Tote is a great size, and can be worn either crossbody or carried as a top-handled bag. It makes a great, versatile bag for the spring/summer months.
VALENTINO GARAVANI
VALENTINO GARAVANI One Stud Small Bag: Sparkle and Shine with Jeweled Design. he sliding chain strap adds versatility, allowing you to wear the bag on your shoulder. To complete the luxurious look, the front is adorned with the iconic Maxi Stud decoration.
The Million-Dollar Mirage: Pharrell’s Fashion Folly
High Fashion or High Farce?
On that fateful June evening on Paris’ Point Neuf Bridge, the fashion world was agog at Pharrell’s debut and the absurd spectacle of the Millionaire Speedy Bag. This wasn’t a fashion statement; it was a financial flex in the guise of a bag.
Star Power Selling Pricey Pouches
Enter Rihanna, wielding the bag like a status symbol on steroids in LOUIS VUITTON’s campaign. If the bag’s price tag didn’t drop your jaw, the celebrity circus around it certainly did. It’s less about fashion and more about flaunting wealth.
Crocodile Smiles and Diamond Dazzles: The Anatomy of Overpriced Opulence
Crocodile Tales: Priced for a Pharaoh, Not a Purse
Crocodile leather – because nothing says ‘luxury’ like carrying something that once wanted to eat you. But seriously, is it the material or the madness of the market that jacks up the price?
Dripping in Diamonds: Because Subtlety is So Last Season
Gold and diamonds on a bag? At this point, why not throw in a tiara and a wand, too? It’s not just a fashion accessory; it’s an armored truck for your arm.
The Exclusivity Exploit: Is Scarcity the New Black?
The Hermès Hilarity: From Birkins to Dog Tents
Compared to HERMÈS’ Birkin, LOUIS VUITTON’s Millionaire Speedy is like the spoiled, wealthy cousin who throws tantrums over diamonds. And people are buying dog tents they don’t need in a desperate Hail Mary for a Birkin. It’s not fashion; it’s fanaticism.
The Status Symbol Sham: A Pricey Pantomime
This bag is less about utility and more about who’s got the most significant bank balance. It symbolizes excess, where the cost is more coveted than the craft.
Will this bag be a timeless classic or just a footnote in the annals of absurd luxury? Remember, not every pricey piece becomes a perennial favorite. Just ask Karl Lagerfeld’s punching bag.
Resale Roulette: A Gamble Wrapped in Gator Skin
Sure, you can buy it as an investment. But let’s face it – chances are you’re just pouring money down a designer drain. Will it be a goldmine or a glorified garage sale item in a few years?
Conclusion: The Price of Pretentiousness
Cultural Icon or Couture Clownery?
Pharrell’s LOUIS VUITTON escapade – a stroke of genius or a splurge of silliness? The Millionaire Speedy Bag isn’t just a purse; it’s a punchline for the ultra-rich.
The Million-Dollar Question: To Own or to Ogle?
Ultimately, this bag is more than a luxury item; it’s a ludicrous leap into the lap of luxury. Whether a savvy investment or a splurge on steroids, it’s a walking, talking testament to the absurdity of high fashion’s price tags, in a world where money talks, this bag screams.
As we unfurl the rich tapestry of Louis Vuitton’s iconic Speedy bag, let’s not forget to chuckle at the absurdity of such grandeur bestowed upon a mere accessory. Yes, the Speedy deserves a nod, but let’s not inflate its legacy more than Louis Vuitton’s recent marketing stunts in Hong Kong and China.
The Birth of a Fashion Phenomenon
Louis Vuitton, initially a luxury trunk maker since 1854, ventured into handbags with the Speedy in 1930, originally named the ‘Express’. This bag, an ode to the travel era, was a downsized version of the Keepall. It gained its iconic status in 1965 when Audrey Hepburn requested a smaller version, leading to the creation of the Speedy 25. Despite its practical design, the Speedy’s rise to fame was more a testament to celebrity influence than its functionality.
Evolving Designs: From Classic to Controversial
Over the years, each Creative Director at Louis Vuitton has reinterpreted the Speedy, adding their flair while maintaining its classic shape. Marc Jacobs introduced the practical Speedy Bandoulière in 2011, and Virgil Abloh gave it a futuristic twist. However, not all these changes were well-received. For instance, the zipper addition in 2015 sparked debates about authenticity and originality.
The Spectacle in the East: Hype and Hyperbole
Fast forward to the present, where Louis Vuitton’s PR machinery has been working overtime in Hong Kong and China. With Pharrell Williams at the helm, the brand has showcased monumental inflatable Speedy sculptures along Shanghai’s Huangpu River and in other key locations. This move, while undeniably eye-catching, seems more like a theatrical overture than a genuine fashion statement. It’s hard not to smirk at the inflated representation of a bag that already carries an inflated sense of self-importance.
Pharrell’s Prowess: More Than Just a Musical Maestro?
Pharrell Williams, while a musical genius, steps into the fashion realm with more of a social proof appeal than genuine design innovation. His take on the Speedy, including the lavish “Millionaire” Speedy, has stirred discussions but also raises the question: Is this more about the cult of celebrity than about the bag itself?
Conclusion: The Speedy’s Enduring Enigma
As we witness the Speedy’s journey from a functional accessory to a symbol of luxury and now, a subject of exaggerated hype, one cannot help but wonder: has its essence been lost in the pomp and show? Or does it still hold that timeless charm that once captivated the likes of Audrey Hepburn? Amidst the inflated sculptures and celebrity endorsements, the Louis Vuitton Speedy remains an enigmatic emblem of luxury, its legacy both celebrated and satirized.
Are you still fantasizing about a HERMÈS Birkin or Kelly? Well, brace yourself for a rollercoaster of hope, confusion, and a sprinkle of desperation. The process of acquiring one of these enigmatic quota bags remains a mystery wrapped in a riddle, tucked inside a HERMÈS shopping bag. Walking into a boutique and simply buying your dream bag? How quaint!
The Ever-Shifting HERMÈS Rulebook
It seems HERMÈS might just be borrowing tactics from quantum physics – the rules change as soon as you look at them. Our article, “Rumor or Fact: HERMÈS is Changing the Rules,” confirmed that, indeed, the rules are as stable as a house of cards in a wind tunnel. For those who missed it, the changes include expanding the quota bag universe, playing musical chairs with the number of bags allowed per year, and introducing a global tracking system that would make Santa Claus envious.
Navigating the HERMÈS Maze
If only Hermès would publish a simple ‘How to Get a Quota Bag’ guide! But where’s the fun in that? Instead, we have a secret playbook known only to a select few, and even they can’t agree on the rules. It’s like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing – in the dark – blindfolded.
Paris: The Shifting Sands of HERMÈS Shopping
Once upon a time, Paris was the promised land for HERMÈS enthusiasts. Now, it’s more like trying to win the lottery, but with worse odds. Online appointments are as elusive as a unicorn in a game of hide-and-seek. And if you do get an appointment, don’t count your Birkins before they hatch.
The Hermès Pre-Spend Paradox
In the good old days, Paris was where dreams came true without spending a dime. Now, the more you spend, the more you might get the chance to spend even more. It’s a spending spiral that would make even the most seasoned shoppers dizzy.
A Tale of Two Bags: The Quota Bag Saga
In Paris, a Birkin is a quota bag, a Constance might be, and a Kelly Pochette is… well, it’s complicated. It’s like a game of bag bingo where the rules are made up, and the points don’t matter.
The One-Bag Limit: A Parisian Tragedy
In a plot twist worthy of a soap opera, buying a non-quota bag one day might just sabotage your chances of getting a quota bag the next. It’s the HERMÈS version of ‘choose wisely.’
The American Quota Quest
Across the pond, every HERMÈS boutique is like a kingdom with its own rules. The quest for a quota bag in the U.S. is like navigating a maze designed by a whimsical wizard.
The British Wishlist Wonderland
Meanwhile, in the U.K., the HERMÈS wishlist system operates with the precision and clarity of a British afternoon tea. Sort of. You can wish, but whether your wish comes true is another story.
Final Thoughts: The HERMÈS Mirage
Shopping at HERMÈS is like chasing a mirage. You might think you see a Birkin on the horizon, but as you get closer, it vanishes into thin air. Remember, in the world of Hermès, nothing is certain except uncertainty and the allure of the chase.
So, dear Hermès hunters, share your tales of triumph or despair. Has the HERMÈS game changed for you? Or are you still trying to find the rulebook?
A Chic Handbag with a Side of Mystery: The Story of HERMÈS Constance
The Hermès Constance bag, less known than its siblings Birkin and Kelly but just as charming, has been turning heads for over fifty years. It’s like the middle child of the luxury fashion world – equally fabulous but with its unique flair. Did you know the first Constance was named after the designer’s newborn? Talk about a birth announcement!
Exclusive but Elusive: The Art of Hermès ‘Now You See Me, Now You Don’t
HERMES is like that friend who always keeps you guessing. When you think you’ve figured out the Constance bag, it disappears from the shelves, only to reappear when you least expect it. This clever ‘hide and seek’ game has fashionistas on their toes, eagerly waiting for the next surprise appearance.
Celebrity Endorsements: The Star-Studded Life of Constance
From the arms of Hollywood icons to the shoulders of Instagram influencers, the Constance bag has seen more red carpets and flashbulbs than most of us will in a lifetime. It’s the bag equivalent of a celebrity, with a fan base that includes everyone from movie stars to your favorite Instagram fashion gurus.
The Chameleon of Handbags: Why Constance is a Color Lover’s Dream
The Constance bag covers you whether you’re into bold hues or prefer understated elegance. It’s like the chameleon of the fashion world, perfectly adapting to any style at any time. And let’s not forget about the unique rose gold hardware – talk about a fashion statement!
The Comeback Kid: Constance’s Return to the Spotlight
When you thought the Constance bag couldn’t get any cooler, it made a grand re-entrance. The Constance Elan, with its sleek design and celebrity fanfare, is back and ready to reclaim its throne in the fashion kingdom.
More than Just a Bag: The Endearing Legacy of Hermès Constance
The HERMÈS Constance is not just a handbag; it’s a fashion icon with a story, a personality, and a mystery. It’s the handbag you chase, dream about, and treasure once it’s yours. In HERMÈS, it’s not just about owning a bag; it’s about being part of a playful, exclusive club.
Did you know that getting a Constance can feel like winning the lottery? Thanks to Hermès’ knack for creating an aura of scarcity, snagging one of these beauties is like finding a rare gem. Happy hunting!